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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29502051">tuesday longings</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/keijiscoffee/pseuds/keijiscoffee'>keijiscoffee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Cute, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Mentioned Suna Rintarou, Multi, sunarintarou, sunarintarouxreader, tragic, tw // death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:35:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,695</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29502051</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/keijiscoffee/pseuds/keijiscoffee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>'you find comfort in chaos, and i find mine in peace'</p><p>'that's not true'</p><p>'is that so?' </p><p>'i find mine in you.'</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Suna Rintarou/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. tuesdays</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hallways are always too crowded, too packed like a box of cigarettes just waiting to be opened. It is suffocating especially for people who resent crowded places.</p><p>You quickened your pace as you pass through the hallways of the building. Eager to reach your desk without breaking a sweat. As you continued walking, the crowds seemed to be drifting out of your sight and finally, you can breathe again.</p><p>Arriving at your desk you were greeted by a lively "Hey hey hey!" You mumbled a soft "hello" to acknowledge your friend.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Judging from your facial expression... Let me guess, you went through 'your mob of paparazzi again?"</p>
</blockquote><p>You blinked your eyes in confusion. "What do you mean Bokuto-san?"</p><p>He then laughed exaggeratedly and told you that it was just a joke. You shook your head and began to start working.</p><p>Having a job can be stressful at times. From waking up early in the morning, taking early and late train rides, and interacting with difficult people at work. But your job is something that distracts you and keeps you occupied. It is like a safe haven you escape to.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Hmm. That's a good one Y/N."</p>
</blockquote><p>One of the higher-ups complimented your work and gave suggestions. You thanked them and proceeded to apply their suggestions which truly improved the quality of your work.</p><p>You really like your job. Your workmates are approachable, the senpais are patient although there are some that are really hard to please, and the salary is enough to sustain your monthly needs.</p><p>—</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Ahhh. Nothing beats the tick of the clock when it strikes lunchtime!" Bokuto exclaimed. "Come on Y/N! Let's eat lunch."</p>
</blockquote><p>Bokuto dragged you along the hallways that are tightly packed again. Dragging your feet, you listened to him telling you about this guy that he wants you to meet and how the two of you are really alike.</p><p>You and Bokuto went to a fast-food chain a few blocks away from your workplace, as he knows that you are not comfortable in suffocating places — places with lots of people. The noise and vibrations really bug you that is why you try to avoid and overcome it most of the time.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Hey Y/N, I would like to introduce you to someone and someone to you," Bokuto said smiling and you nodded. "This is Agaashi! Agaashi this is Y/N."</p>
  <p>"Nice to meet you A-ga..shi?" You greeted unsure of the pronunciation while Bokuto smiles like an idiot.</p>
  <p>Agaashi smiled shyly and bowed. "Hi, Y/N-chan. It is actually Akaashi with a 'k.'"</p>
  <p>"Oh! Sorry! Bokuto you baka!" You lightly hit his arm. "So you're the 'friend' Bokuto keeps rambling on about."</p>
</blockquote><p>After that, you left them as both boys feel their cheeks heating up. Bokuto, as the first one to recover, proceeded to follow you to the table while holding and dragging the flustered latter's hands.</p><p>You enjoyed having lunch with Bokuto and Akaashi. Akaashi was really reserved. He was also working in the same building but was assigned to the literary department. Bokuto was the total opposite, he is loud and boisterous. He is someone you would have considered as annoying... Well if he wasn't Bokuto.</p><p>—</p><p>The last train ride will be at 7 PM.</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Tuesday, 5:04 PM</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p>After your work shift, you always drop by the library to pass time. Trains are always so crowded too, so you try to avoid that. It is not like you have trauma or phobia in enclosed spaces.. it just makes you uncomfortable.</p><p>Unfortunately, libraries are closed by 5 PM every Tuesday. Huffing out the cold air, you muttered to yourself how Tuesdays could be so horrible while walking towards the train station.</p><p>You bumped into someone and immediately apologized. The stranger snickered and you just kept walking towards the train, cringing at the smell of smoke clinging onto the stranger.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. pretentious</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Train rides are fast but really packed too, especially during this time. A lot of citizens travel to Tokyo because work opportunities in that city are always knocking at doors. You looked at your phone and checked the time.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Tuesday, 5:15 PM</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, you felt someone's weight pressing towards you. Turning around quickly, an old woman almost fell to the floor but you immediately caught her. You noticed how her hands are wrinkly which indicates that she's already old and fragile. The guys who bumped onto her apologized and steadied themselves.</p><p> </p><p>Why are people goofing around in such a small space?</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Are you okay o-basan?"</p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>"Why do you keep bumping onto others?" A guy sitting on the seats gazed at you with his grayish-yellow eyes. He laughed holding his phone out while huffing out the smoke from his cigarette, which supposedly shouldn't be allowed.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He must be the one I bumped into earlier.</em>
</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Why are you just staring instead of letting an elderly sit down on your seat?" You said calmly. It is a common gesture to always let elder people sit down first on train or bus rides.</p>
  <p>"Tch." The guy stood up beside you, not even offering the old lady to sit down. So you were the one that guided her to take a seat.</p>
  <p>"Are you always this kind of person?" The guy asked, raising his eyebrows. "A pretentious one?"</p>
  <p>"Hmmm. It's a common gesture to help the elderly, and to apologize when you hit someone." You paused. "If that's pretentious, then you trying to be mean is too."</p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>He muttered something under his breath and took a puff again from his stick of cigarette. You scrunched your nose and started to walk away.</p><p>As much as you hate crowds, it's better to drown in them than suffocating in the smell of cigars.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Wait."</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>The guy held your wrists surprisingly light. You sighed.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Excuse me. I really can't stand the smell of cigarettes."</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Uh-" The train gradually stops. "Will you be here tomorrow?"</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Why?" Heat rushed to the guy's cheeks. A light pint of red hardly noticeable.</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>He let go of you and his eyes began twitching and glaring at you like.. 'Just answer the damn question.'</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Nevermi-"</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Yes, I'll be here. I need a ride home after all." You cut him off and hurried off the train. Leaving the guy dumbfounded.</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Dumbfounded as he's never seen a woman so elegant, straightforward, and.. kind. He shook his head.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"The name's Suna, by the way."</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>No one heard him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Except for himself and the guys goofing around earlier.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. pretty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A week has passed since you met that guy in the train station. Several times he'd cross your mind but it won't linger for too long.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Are you always this kind of person?" The guy asked, raising his eyebrows. "A pretentious one?"</em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>You stared down at your work table and saw that the carton of milk you were holding was crumpled, leaving spills. You groaned and stood up to clean it.</p><p>"What happened Y/N?" Bokuto asked worriedly.</p><p>"I spilled milk."</p><p>"Pffft." Bokuto tried hard not to laugh but it was impossible not to. "Your monotonous voice makes it a hundred times better."</p><p>"Shut up and just help me."</p><p>—</p><p>The usual routine went on throughout the day.</p><p>You finishing your work shift in the morning,</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"I think it's better if you apply more cool-toned filters to contrast with..."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Yes, but I'm also thinking of.."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Then heading to lunch with Bokuto and Akaashi,</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Y/N-san, Bokuto told me you crushed a carton of milk. Are you okay?"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"It was nothing." You said flustered. "I have a question though."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Spill!!!!!" Bokuto exclaimed.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Do.. you think I'm pretentious?" Shyness evident in your voice.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Just because you're kind and considerate, doesn't mean you are being pretentious," Akaashi answered and Bokuto nodded. Even though he does not understand what Akaashi meant.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Oooh! Ooh! Is this about the guy in the train station you met?" You nodded. "Wow. I should meet him and ask for some tips."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Why?"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"He was able to get into Y/N's nerves. That's really rare." Bokuto explained, sipping his coffee. Too carefree.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"There's no need for that, Bokuto-san." Akaashi pointed at your blank face.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Bokuto as the emotional and moody guy he sometimes is, panicked when he saw your expression. You and Akaashi only laughed at how petty and sensitive this guy is.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>You weren't that bothered with the pretentious thing, it just made you wonder why did he think of such?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Then going back to work and finally went to the train station when it was time to go home.</p><p>—</p><p>Since it's Tuesday, you directly went to the train station. Your thoughts wandering at work since the project you are handling is scheduled to be presented on Friday.</p><p>As you keep walking, you squinted at the familiar figure standing by the train.</p><p>Ah. It's him. The 'Pretentious' guy.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Hey," Suna greeted you with a firm tone covering his embarrassment. "Last week you said you will return here."</p>
  <p>"And I did." You responded plainly. "That's why I'm here now."</p>
  <p>"I thought you were returning the next day and the following days after that. Why is it a week after?"</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <em>Did he check every day if I was here?</em>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p> </p>
  <p>"I don't like crowded places."</p>
</blockquote><p>Both of you went on the train and you decided to just stand up to provide extra seats for the elderly. Suna who was about to sit down changed his mind and stood beside you. He looked at you with utter focus, observing your every inch. Your hair, your blank but pretty expression, your soft gestures when dodging each person passing by.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>She's be-</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"What are you looking at?" You snapped at him, a bit annoyed and flustered. "Stop it. It's weird."</p>
  <p>He smirked. "I'm not. You're just assuming it."</p>
  <p>"I was literally looking into your ey-"</p>
  <p>"You're pretty."</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <em>Badump</em>
</p><p> </p><p>You both looked away from each other.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Shit. Why did I say that?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>You don't know why that made an impact on you more than the last time he called you 'pretentious.' But Suna was just as confused as you.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Tuesday 5:38 PM</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>With what felt like forever, the train gradually began to stop. You started to move a bit and inched closer towards the exit. 'Pretentious guy' coughed and called you. You stopped and waited, even though that's the total opposite of what your mind is telling you to do.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"It's Suna." You were about to say something when- "I know you didn't ask. But it's Suna."</p>
</blockquote><p>You smiled at that. For such a serious-looking guy, he tends to goof up sometimes.</p><p>Suddenly, you noticed something.</p><p> </p><p>"You stopped smoking?"</p><p> </p><p>His expression went from smug to surprise. "I didn't."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Just not on trains.. and starting now, also on Tuesdays."</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. interesting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Tuesdays are the only times you ride the train right?"</p>
  <p>"How observant of you, even though we only met twice." You glanced at him sideways. "Looks like you're interested in pretentious ones now?"</p>
</blockquote><p>For others, this might have been considered an attempt at flirting. But as a straightforward person, this is nothing for you but purely a response.. and probably for Suna too.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Maybe. Maybe not. I'll tell you if you tell me your name." Suna smirked.</p>
  <p>"Please." You rolled your eyes. "But to be fair.. the name's Y/N."</p>
  <p>"Then the answer is, yes."</p>
</blockquote><p>—</p><p>
  <b> <em>Tuesday 8:26 PM</em> </b>
</p><p>Peace and quiet are what comforts you. Although living alone is undeniably very lonely. The feeling of longing is always there. To have someone to talk to at night, someone to laugh with, and someone to just be with on lonely nights.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>I miss them.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>You placed your dishes at the sink and washed them. After doing your chore routine around the house, you took a bath and started to relax in bed with your phone on hand.</p><p>It's too quiet at night. You can hear the crickets having their own choir, the soft whistles of the wind, the clicking of your fingers on your phone keyboard, and the trickling of raindrops on your rooftop.</p><p>It is when you are in peace and quiet that you feel more at ease. Missing someone should hit differently when it's lonely, but why is it that that feeling is more present when all that surrounds you are noise?</p><p>
  <b> <em>Suna Rintarou added you as a friend.</em> </b>
</p><p>
  <b> <em>@sunarintarou  followed you on Instagram.</em> </b>
</p><p>You snapped out of your thoughts and looked at your phone.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"This guy is so weird."</p>
</blockquote><p>It was unlikely for you to develop a feeling of fascination towards a person you just met, most especially in just a week. But for you, Suna was a <em>bit</em> interesting.</p><p>His serious facade and aura somehow contrast his flustered personality when interacting with you. He is truly intimidating, but it does not bother you that much.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>His choice of words does though.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>You accepted his requests and followed him back on Instagram.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>This is so teenager-like.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>You wondered to yourself at the strange attraction you have to this guy, but you were sure it's not in a romantic way though. At least not yet.</p><p>You shook your head, clearing your thoughts.</p><p>
  <b>Suna:</b>
</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Hey. What's up?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p><b>You</b>:</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Hello.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p><b>Suna</b>:</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em>Okay</em>.</p>
</blockquote><p>
  <b> <em>Seen</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Two awkward personalities would clash at times.</p><p> </p><p><b>Suna</b>:</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Meet me at the train station on Tuesday next week. 5 PM sharp.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>You raised your eyebrows before replying.</p><p><b>You</b>:</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Are you demanding me?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p><b>Suna</b>:</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Meet me at the train station on Tuesday next week. 5 PM sharp. :D</em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>You did not reply as you went on Instagram and scrolled through the stories.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>@sunarintarou</em>
</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Yo yo yo! Welcome to Suna's story!"</p>
</blockquote><p>You watched Suna's story on Instagram. There were a bunch of people who showed themselves in the video. Two of them looked alike, one had grayish-white hair with black tips and the other had very manly features but often kept a soft expression throughout the video.</p><p>Squinting at the screen, you realized they were at a club. Obviously with the neon lights, the girls, the cocktails, beers, and blasting music.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"So he's a party animal huh."</p>
</blockquote><p>The next story frame was a mirror selfie of Suna posted 3 seconds ago. He was still wearing the same outfit he had on earlier, an oversized maroon shirt tucked in cargo pants. He posted it with a text.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <b> <em>'Tuesday. 5 PM.'</em> </b>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>You feel your cheeks heating up so you turned off your phone and went to bed. Drowning yourself in the comforting stillness around you.</p><p>But for the first time in how many years you felt.. <em>butterflies</em>.</p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Meanwhile in the club.</em>
</p><p>"Why is she not responding?" Suna sighed frustratedly, as he threw his phone on the couch. He plopped down the couch, taking shots just to hide the embarrassment he feels, and constantly rejecting the girls that come up to him.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>These girls can't really take a hint huh.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>He is a usual guest in this club because his friends, the Miya twins own it. Which was probably the reason why he thought that the name of the club was lame.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>THE MIYAS</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Who's not responding?" Atsumu asked him.</p>
  <p>"No one."</p>
</blockquote><p>One of the regulars offered Suna a stick of cigarette which surprisingly he declined, hesitantly.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Tuesdays should be no smoke days.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Atsumu looked at Suna with a funny look.</p><p>"Woah. That's the first time you turned down someone giving you a stick." The bleached-haired guy pointed out. Suna rolled his eyes and continued taking shots, getting more and more irritated every time he checks his phone with no reply from you.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Having girl problems huh?" Atsumu shook his head. "You know, you could always ask for advice from Tsumu the great, the jack of all trades and-"</p>
  <p>"The master of none."</p>
  <p>"SHUT UP SAMU! You asshole!" Atsumu threw a shot glass at his twin. Suna did not care about the chaos they are causing. He is only concerned about one thing tonight.</p>
  <p>"But seriously if that's about a girl, there's plenty of them here." Atsumu dramatically pointed the sexy girls on the dance floor. "I mean, you've never tried hitting on one of them before. Why don't you try now?"</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna looked at his friend with a blank and serious expression.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"They're not my type."</p>
</blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. for you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Friday came, the dreaded deadline for your presentation of your project is today. You are working for an advertising company and are assigned to the multimedia editing department.</p><p>You were assigned to create an advertisement about a product of a big company together with four others. While waiting outside the conference room you were fidgeting with your fingers and breathing deeply. Trying to calm yourself.</p><p>Bokuto sat beside you even though he wasn't assigned to this project. He just went with you because he knows that you lowkey get nervous at times like this.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Calm down Y/N. It's going to be fine." Bokuto reassured you while holding your hands to help you settle down.</p>
  <p>"You're right." You continued steadying your breath until you've calmed down. "Thanks, Bokuto-san."</p>
</blockquote><p>He smiled, let go of your hands, and did a thumbs up. You laughed and felt a bit okay. You were thankful for Bokuto to always have your back. He always makes sure that you are able to give your hundred percent in everything you do. Bokuto is a best friend you've always wanted and have.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Ms. L/N."</p>
  <p>"That's me."</p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>An hour later.</em>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Friday, 12:01 PM</em>
  </b>
</p><p>You went out of the conference room and saw Akaashi and Bokuto waiting for you outside. Sincere smiles plastered on their faces. Relief washed through you when you saw those.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"How'd it go?" Akaashi asked walking towards you together with Bokuto.</p>
  <p>"They will decide and announce who got the job later." You stated. "Which means they'll just email us."</p>
</blockquote><p>They both nodded and wished you luck. The three of you went to a restaurant a few blocks away to have a lunch celebration, well according to Bokuto. After placing your orders, together you just talked and relaxed while waiting for the results.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Say Akaashi, do you want to watch some volleyball matches at the gym nearby?" Bokuto raised his eyebrows up and down at Akaashi, and the latter's cheeks gradually turned into a rosy pink.</p>
  <p>"Sure Bokuto-san." Akaashi managed to smile slightly.</p>
</blockquote><p>Bokuto also invited you but you politely declined. Who wants to disturb two roses blooming together? Certainly not you. A few moments later the food arrived and the three of you ate your meals.</p><p>—</p><p>You were at a cafe, trying to pass the time and nervously waiting for the results. While Akaashi and Bokuto went to the gym to watch some volleyball match.</p><p>Finally, the dreaded came and your heart skipped a beat.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Dear Ms. L/N,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Your efforts were greatly appreciated. Your presentation went smoothly and the concept was good, but it is unfortunate that it was not what the company was looking for. We regret to inform you that the company declined your project proposal.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>You can take your day off tomorrow to rest.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Sincerely,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Estrella Advertising Inc."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Feeling a lump in your throat, you drank a glass of water. This project was not even that big, but it was the first one that you were assigned to handle. Which meant a lot as it shows that your efforts were not in vain.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Well it's not like I can do anything about it.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <b>
    <em>Friday, 5:30 PM</em>
  </b>
</p><p>The usual library you visit was open today until 7 at night. As you enter the library the antique smell of books greeted you. The librarian smiled at you and you proceeded to your usual spot.</p><p>You diverted your attention to the book in front of you. Captivated by each printed word like your soul flowed with it. Your mind flew to another realm, exploring and wandering until a ring snapped you out from your imagination.</p><p>You bowed to everyone muttering apologies for the disturbance of their personal time. You checked your phone and saw an Instagram message from Suna.</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>From: Suna</em>
  </b>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>I saw you. You looked emotional. Why?</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Not that I care though, you just looked even more pretentious.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Raising your eyebrows you searched around the room expecting to see a familiar face, but there was none.</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>To: Suna</em>
  </b>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>How did you see me? Creep.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <b>
    <em>From: Suna</em>
  </b>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Answer my question first.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <b>
    <em>To: Suna</em>
  </b>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>I don't owe you any though. I was just reading a book.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Weirdly enough when your phone did not vibrate, you slowly lost focus on the masterpiece in front of you. The words did not enlighten you like the way they did earlier. Instead, the email you received earlier gradually consumed your thoughts.</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>To: Suna</em>
  </b>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>I'm sorry. I had a bad day. Project proposal at work got denied. I didn't mean to pour it out on you.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <b>—</b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>10:30 PM</em>
  </b>
</p><p>The clicking of fingers on your laptop keyboard filled the room as you searched for various inspirations that might help you for the next project. <em>Hopefully</em>. You filled your head, desperate and thirsty for ideas until you couldn't anymore.</p><p>Like a bucket continuously being filled with water, every pour, every drop, and even the tiniest droplet could lead to overflowing. As your head overflowed, so did your tears. And that's it, the following minutes were just your cries echoing around your house.</p><p>You were crying, longing for <em>something </em>more than just recognition and passion.</p><p>Until...</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Suna Rintarou sent an attachment.</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>From: Suna</em>
  </b>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Here's a playlist I made for you. Goodnight Y/N.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <b>
    <em>'Playlist for Pretentious and Sad Ppl by sxnarxntarou'</em>
  </b>
</p><p>And just like that, the <em>wails</em> of sadness were replaced by the loud <em>thumping</em> inside your chest.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. feeling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>Tuesday, 4:59 PM</em>
  </b>
</p><p>Chatters from different people filled the station. Their footsteps shuffling across the cold hard ground, hurrying every step they take not wanting to miss the train ride.</p><p>Impatiently, the dark-haired guy <em>tapped</em> his foot on the ground creating funny sounding rhythms. His eyes gazed the entire station. Piercing yellow eyes searching around until it caught <em>yours</em>.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Hey." You walked up to him and stopped a few feet away.</p>
  <p>"You did show up," Suna said, hiding his hands at his back and his stance slouching lazily. You tried peeking but you did not want to seem interested so you just looked away.</p>
  <p>"Well, I guess I do owe the guy who made me a playlist." You looked at him and smiled. "Thank you."</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna stood there flustered. That was the first time he'd seen you smile genuinely. Suddenly, everything became a blur except for the girl in front of him. He started to think he was a camera lens that was focusing on the main subject inside the frame.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Okay. Stop staring. That's becoming weird." You stated seriously. "Let's get on the train now."</p>
</blockquote><p>As you began walking towards the train, Suna pulled you and you can now actually see the light red tint forming on his cheeks. He slowly pulled his right hand from the back and lightly shoved a flower in front of you.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"That's <em>weird</em> too." Caught off guard, you managed to blurt that out and instantly regretted it.</p>
</blockquote><p>Silence enveloped the both of you and Suna turned away feeling offended and embarrassed. "You're right." He chuckled bitterly.</p><p>You stood there as Suna walked away from you. He walked lazily towards the public trash can but at a quickened pace. You noticed that he wasn't wearing his usual dark clothes, instead, he was wearing something similar to your aesthetic. Heat rose up your cheeks, as this was an unnecessary effort but he did it anyway.</p><p>Chasing him you grabbed the flower from his hand and put it inside your bag.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"It was a joke. I like it." You stared at him with a blank expression.</p>
  <p>"Your face doesn't look like you do." He also stared at you with a blank expression, if not then glaring a bit.</p>
</blockquote><p>Mini fits of laughter occupied the space between the two of you. The both of you are so alike but so different in many ways.</p><p>He proceeded with what he planned for a week now and asked you if you would like to have dinner with him tonight, nervous that you would decline as he rarely attempts to do this for anyone. But his face lit up, pleased when you accepted.</p><p>-</p><p>Entering the restaurant he told you about, the waiters immediately approached the both of you, professionally greeting you in chorus. The high ceiling loomed above you, the light from the chandeliers sparkled throughout the venue, soft muffled voices and jazz music filled your ears as well as the clacking of silverware and plates.</p><p>You find yourself being lead to the table Suna reserved a few days ago. A smile plastered on your lips as you realized that he really thought of <em>today</em>. But you were curious as to why he would do this, this is only the third interaction you had with each other. Sitting down, there was only silence as both of you didn't know what to say to each other.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"If you don't mind me asking, what's with all of this?" You finally managed to ask.</p>
</blockquote><p>He smirked at you and provided you a simple answer.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"To get to know <em>pretentious</em> ones." Perhaps also an <em>obvious</em> one.</p>
</blockquote><p>Food arrived shortly afterward and both of you just conversed with each other about general topics like exquisite food, about Tokyo, about your jobs but aside from that, no personal questions were asked then. But this helped the both of you warming up with each other.</p><p>This warm feeling gradually melted the coldness around you. Words started to slip like normal, movements became less stiff and as if it was on cue, the guy in front of you started to act like himself also. You feel tingling all over your body and that just makes you beam.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>What is this feeling?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. like</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After dinner the both of you decided to stroll around the city for a bit, stating that you need to digest the food you both consumed tonight. When in reality it was more than that but no one just wanted to admit it.</p><p>Even at night, Tokyo is still full of life. Lamp posts illuminated the sidewalks, relaxed footsteps filled the streets because no one's in a rush now, and doors opening and chiming leaves you glancing more than usual. The cold evening breeze delicately touched your skin, making you shiver a bit but even then you felt so warm inside.</p><p>Suna walked a bit forward from you, giving you a chance to observe his frame from behind. He was tall and his back was wide, but his posture is laid back. You assumed his built was comparable to an athlete but you couldn't quite observe well enough as he has a huge coat draped around him. He stopped in his tracks and turned to you</p><p>You also stopped walking, now facing him.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"You look <em>good</em> in your outfit."</p>
</blockquote><p>Complimenting wasn't something you would normally do but because of your <em>straightforward-not-thinking</em> personality, you tend to blurt out things you would regret in just a millisecond.</p><p>Suna on the other hand didn't really know what to make out of the compliments you blurt out to him because it was very rare.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Y/N tell me about yourself," Suna requested in a low and soft voice, almost as if he was whispering to himself. "Anything."</p>
</blockquote><p>You were touched about the curiosity he has shown about you but at the same time the way he respects your personal life enough to ask even just common and general things about you.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Well, I hate crowds that's why I don't ride the train at 5 PM every day, except on Tuesdays."</p>
  <p>"Why only on Tuesdays?"</p>
  <p>"Because the library I usually stay in to pass the time closes at 5 in the afternoon during Tuesdays." You stated.</p>
  <p>"Ah that boring place." Suna shook his head and shuddered.</p>
  <p>"Shut up." You glared and laughed at him which he also returned.</p>
  <p>"What do you like then?" The latter asked, now facing in front of you. Slightly ducking his head because of the height difference.</p>
  <p>"Uhm. Working, quiet places, food, cute and pretty things – especially *favorite color* ones – and interesting people."</p>
</blockquote><p>This time you looked at him in the eyes. The tired eyes but filled with emotions, looking straight back as if piercing through your soul. Feeling your heart race inside your chest, you fixed the folded collar of his coat.</p><p>The more you spent time with him, the more you feel at ease. True, that you are weirded out by the strange attraction you had towards this man, but you did not want to push that feeling away. You embraced every <em>tingle</em> in your toes and <em>butterflies</em> in your stomach.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>I haven't felt this for quite so long.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>This feeling was something quite comforting for you. You didn't want to push it away, instead, you wanted it to stay.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"What about you Suna, what do you <em>like</em>?" You stared at him. The guy was caught by surprise when your usual blank expression turned into something else he couldn't quite point out. Also because of the fact that this was the first time you said his name, and that made his heart go in shambles.</p>
</blockquote><p>He smiled and pulled you closer to him, holding your waist. Taking a chance in the midst of this aura you both are radiating. "Hmm. I like music, volleyball, dark-colored things, cigarettes, and partying."</p><p>You nodded but realized that he did not smell like cigarettes today, similar to the last Tuesday you were together. Instead, he smelled like musk, and you breathed that in. Intoxicating yourself with the scent.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"If you like smoking that much, then how come you did not hit one today?" You asked genuinely not knowing why.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/></p>
  <p>"Because I'm beginning to like you <em>more</em>."</p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. lies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After that night, you longed for Tuesdays even more. The following week, you and Suna went out again, and the next and so on, and every time it was surreal. Tuesdays that you dread became your most anticipated day of the week.</p><p>The rendezvous with Suna became a routine for the both of you. Whenever you would arrive at the train station, he would be already there. Standing impatiently with a flower in hand.</p><p>
  <em>Every. Single. Time.</em>
</p><p>He would carry your bag and try to be a gentleman. During colder nights, he would take your hand and put it inside his pocket to keep it warm. You teased him for that and he would mutter a few curses here and there but won't let go of you anyways.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Bokuto-san, I'm leaving now."</p>
</blockquote><p>You fixed your things and hummed to a song that also belonged in the playlist Suna made you. You never admitted to Suna that you listen to it every day even when it's becoming repetitive.</p><p>Bokuto stared at you without you noticing. He was sure something changed about you this past few weeks. You were talking more than usual. You are still reserved though and still not comfortable with crowded places but there was something about you that Bokuto noticed.</p><p>You lightly tapped his back, signaling that you're going. "Please don't overwork yourself."</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"I won't." He smiled at you. "Enjoy Y/N." Bokuto grinned giddily, you pretended not to hear and scurried down the building.</p>
</blockquote><p>On the way, you passed by Akaashi and he asked if Bokuto was still in the office. Which you informed him that Bokuto was now alone and planning to overtime at work again. Akaashi sighed and went up to his <em>friend. </em>Feeling relieved, Bokuto immediately hugged the black-haired boy when he saw him.</p><p>Meanwhile, you arrived at the station, but the person you were hoping to see wasn't there yet. You checked the time.</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>4:59 PM</em>
  </b>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Oh. I wasn't late today.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>You waited. You just stood there at the usual spot he also stands on when waiting for you.</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>5:26 PM</em>
  </b>
</p><p>Worried, you fidget with your phone, checking your messages to see if he at least left one to cancel today. There was none. You became paranoid, thoughts running through your head. Your insides churned and your hands were sweating so bad.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Hey."</p>
</blockquote><p>You heard the familiar voice and you ran up to him, hugging him on the spot. Suna was caught off guard but managed to hug back a few moments after. Both of you stayed like that. Suna knew why and did not question.</p><p>It was the first time he was late.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"I was worried." A muffled voice came out from your lips as you buried your head in his sweater. "Where have you been?"</p>
  <p>"I know I'm sorry." His embrace tightened around you. Biting his lower lip desperately holding back his own tears. "Was stuck in traffic."</p>
</blockquote><p>He lied.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>How timely it is. Just when everything seemed so perfect.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>—</p><p>Tonight, Suna and you went to a drive-in movie date. Last week, he told you that he was planning something for today and it was this. He borrowed a pick-up from his friend and filled the back with blankets and comforters.</p><p>This was everything you never expected to happen in your life. Sure you've dated multiple guys, some were serious, some were just a one-time thing but it was nothing like this. Suna was the same, he has dated a couple of girls back then but none of them worked out.</p><p>The widescreen before you illuminated a bright white light before projecting the actual movie. You and Suna blended along with the crowds, in your own car fort. Munching on snacks and watching the movie while you make commentaries and theories about it, that Suna would protest to and then present his own.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Whenever you're with him, you feel at ease.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. past</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Fascinated</em>.</p><p>That's what you were during the whole time the movie played. But it wasn't because of the big screen in front of you, it was because of the boy beside you. Even though stars twinkled ever so lightly from where you are right now, you just thought that the person beside you was enough to make up for it.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Stop staring. That's <em>weird</em>."</p>
</blockquote><p>You looked away quickly and tried to be discrete, but you know you already got caught. The fact that he also imitated your way of saying that made you even more embarrassed.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Who's looking?"</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna chuckled and stared at you. Gradually his emotions became serious and your heart pounded.</p><p>His hand lightly touched your cheek. Caressing every flaw as if he treated it with the utmost care and fascination. "Were you worried earlier?"</p><p>You nodded.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"It brings back memories."</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna knew about your family. Since you decided to be a bit more open to him. You told him about your family, how they left you with no warnings or anything.</p><p>—</p><p>
  <em>Back then, you stayed home because you were having your final examinations. It was the year you were about to graduate so you had to stay behind to review for the final exams.</em>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Onee-chan~" An adorable squeaky voice greeted you early in the morning. You felt a weight above you and you slowly open your eye to take a peek then closed it again, pretending to be asleep.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>"Wahh! I saw you open your eyes!" Your sibling whined. You laughed and hugged her after. She dragged you out of bed to go to the dining area.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sunlight reflected through the windows of your home. The smell of your dad's cooking filled the entire dining area. Your four siblings chattering and snickering with one another, and you chiming in just to make witty remarks.</em>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Are you really not coming with us?" Your older sibling asked. You smiled sadly and shook your head.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"I wish I can but I have to study."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I have to make you guys proud of me.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>"Okachan~ Why will Onee-chan not go with us? Why did you allow her not to?" Your sister nagged your mother for the nth time this week.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your mother smiled at her apologetically and softly said, "Your sister has important things to do, I'm sure she'll go after us once she's done with it." She looked at you and winked.</em>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Okay children, and my loving wife, it's time for a feast for a send away party."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>Cheers and laughter echoed around the house. Your siblings' nonstop teasing, your father's loud personality, and your mother's delicate voice are what your mornings are made of. It is what your home is made of.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>—</em>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"I'm sorry. There were no survivors."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>And that's it. That was it. That was how your mornings ended. Standing there, clutching the plane ticket that should've been for being with them, you gritted your teeth with full remorse.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They didn't return nor even wait for you to arrive there. No warnings whatsoever. Just gone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But it wasn't their fault. It wasn't their fault that they didn't text you. It wasn't their fault that on their way to have a little vacation break, the plane would malfunction and crash in the middle of the ocean. It wasn't their fault they didn't survive. It wasn't their fault that they didn't return.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Broken.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That's what you were. Mornings became hard to wake up to, and every day became horrible to live through. If it wasn't for that guy that delivered the horrible news, you would probably be dead long after. He came by every day to make sure you ate, you didn't appreciate it at first but slowly you got back to your feet.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>—</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Years passed by at the slowest pace.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You looked around your house for the last time. It was empty as if no one lived there at all. Distant memories were now all painted within the walls.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nothing.</em>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Are you ready?" The guy asked you and you grunted.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>You looked back one last time, allowing the memories to rush back. With a tear sliding down your cheek you whispered, "Goodbye."</em>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"I'm ready Bokuto-san."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>You moved to Tokyo and made a living after graduating, thanks to Bokuto's kindness. After earning enough income, you moved to another town just to live in a more quiet surrounding but still retaining the job you had in Tokyo.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Peace and quiet.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That's what you needed but not what you wanted.</em>
</p><p>—</p><p>Suna, who is now facing you, cupped your cheeks and leaned towards you. Your foreheads were touching, and it feels so comfortable being with him. Your Tuesdays never became dull again, heck it's even the best days for you.</p><p>Cold air seeps through your skin making you shiver a little. But with the warmth between you and Suna's breaths, and his hands cupping your face, you were more than happy to feel the evening breeze if it meant being like this.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Thank you." You whispered. "Thank you for coming into my life."</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna kissed your forehead and pulled you closer to him, now hugging you.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"No, thank you." Suna caressed your hair. "You drive me to be better. You don't force me but you make me."</p>
  <p>"Because what's the point if I forced you." You smiled. "You won't be truly living if I did. Live your life the way it would be to the fullest."</p>
  <p>"Show me."</p>
  <p>"Huh?"</p>
  <p>"Show me your life. And I mean not on Tuesday evenings or Tuesdays only. Not on train rides or dates." He took a deep breath. "I mean your life. What you normally do on a daily basis, your friends, your job, your routine."</p>
  <p>"I want you Y/N. I want to live like you and with you. Allow me to court you in the way you deserve it."</p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>And that's how your Tuesday longings were being fulfilled</em>
  <em>.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. prolonging</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The smell of caffeine captured your senses while being in a daze inside your office. It's already December, so the building is filled with busier people, and their hectic schedules and workloads.</p><p>You were <em>definitely</em> not an exception. But as a studious personality you are, you try to finish at least four to five tasks in a day. And although that goal is possible to accomplish, you only have so much mental capacity to cope up with the stress.</p><p>That is why the smell of coffee made you jolt up from your desk, snuffing the air discretely as possible.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"You look like you could eat <em>someone</em>," Bokuto snickered. He pointed at the door and your heart dropped. "Someone's here to see you."</p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>This is even better than coffee.</em>
</p><p>You stood up and smiled at Bokuto which he enthusiastically returned. As you were walking towards the door, the poker-faced boy was holding a cup of coffee and two meat buns. Your eyes gleamed.</p><p>
  <em>Just when I thought this wouldn't get better.</em>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"You look <em>terrible</em>," Suna glared at you. "Stop being too hard on yourself. If you won't take care of yourself then I won't also!"</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna shoved the coffee and meat buns to you in a gentle manner, muttering curses all over the place. You chuckled.</p><p>He can be aggressively soft when he's mad, and you find it adorable that he acts that way. The fact that he cares about you but he's too shy to openly show it, is entertaining for you.</p><p>There's only one thing to shut him up for now. You know he's right but this is not the time for you to slack off. Especially if you wanted to take an early leave.</p><p>On your tippy toes, you leaned toward his ear and grabbed his necktie to pull him down a bit. "Thanks... <em>Rintaro</em><em>u</em>."</p><p>You pulled back and smirked at him, leaving him breathless. Suna could never understand how you could pull stunts like that, and make him forget what he was actually furious about. His eyes widened at a sudden realization.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"R-Rintarou?"</p>
  <p>"Yah yah yah! Your girl has already left buddy." The yellow-haired guy disrupted Suna's moment. Suna coughed and composed himself before leaving. But of course not before glancing back at you sipping on your morning coffee and staring wide-eyed on your laptop.</p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>She called me by my first name.</em>
</p><p>A small smile crept on his lips.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"By the way Suna," the guy beside him trailed off. "Have you told her yet?"</p>
</blockquote><p>Silence.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"No."</p>
  <p>"What? Isn't that a bit selfish? You know that you only-"</p>
  <p>"Shut up, Atsumu."</p>
</blockquote><p>Atsumu sighed in frustration. When they got outside the building he immediately grabbed Suna's collar and gripped it tightly, making Suna glare at him for causing a scene.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"You know what? Fuck you," Atsumu let him go, pushing him, trembling but not in anger. "The fact that you show Y/N how much you care for her, but you're not even honest with her! Do you think you can get away with this? Do you think you have enough time for this?"</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna understood Atsumu. He really does. That's why he remained silent.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"You think you're so slick and wise to leave her out of this. But you're just prolonging the worst."</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna fixed his collar, feigning ignorance towards the guy lecturing him. He coughed once again, and Atsumu looked at him with full dismay... and <em>pain</em>.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"I'm going home. I'm not keeping this bullshit anymore," Atsumu went ahead. "Don't even try to stop me, and don't even try to ask for help when Kita-san will murder the shit out of you after I tell him."</p>
</blockquote><p>Atsumu left. Suna was just standing there. Not even caring what might happen.</p><p>
  <em>Well, it's better to be killed that way.</em>
</p><p>—</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>4:30 PM</em>
  </b>
</p><p>Chatters in the office were starting to tone down as the busy people slowly left the building. Having finished four workloads, you decided to call it a day and began fixing your things.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Bokuto-san, you should go home now too you know." You pat Bokuto's white hair that is surprisingly not styled today.</p>
  <p>"I'm fine here," Bokuto replied, not leaving his eyes on the screen.</p>
</blockquote><p>You sighed knowing he won't listen to you at all. You left him without saying anything and went to the other side of the building.</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Literary Department</em>
  </b>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Akaashi." You called out to the black-haired boy who was fixing his own belongings. His glasses placed on top of his head, and his outfit as neat as your newly ironed clothes. An exaggeration? Maybe, maybe not.</p>
</blockquote><p>With a look of surprise, he rushed towards you, "What's wrong Y/N-san? Are you okay? Is Bokuto okay?"</p><p>You shook your head and this caused Akaashi to widen his eyes in panic. "Calm down. I meant it's not fine for him to overtime again tonight." You sighed. "If you could talk some sense into him. I'm sure he would listen to you."</p><p>Akaashi nodded and thanked you for informing him. He immediately left and proceeded towards your department. Meanwhile, you continued your way outside the building. Your mind wandered about something you've been thinking about for a while now.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Hey." You turned around and saw Suna standing outside the building.</p>
</blockquote><p>He was leaning against the wall, a flower in hand. Eyes glued on you, capturing every smile, every glimmer in your eyes, and every graceful movement you perform.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Suna," He stared at you with a questioning look in his eyes, "I have to tell you something."</p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. thank you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Suna," He stared at you with a questioning look. "I have to tell you something."</p><p>Right now, Suna's heart was pounding so fast and he feels like his lungs are running out of oxygen. He was almost going to open his mouth but-</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Thank you."</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna stopped in his tracks and composed himself, hoping he wasn't too obvious. Fortunately for him, and unfortunately for you, his face was really expressionless. Although his eyes were screaming thousands of words, you were too flustered to stare at those soulful eyes.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Thank you, Suna. For taking care of me." You said shyly, "Suna... You took the time to get to know me, my friends, and even adjusting your schedules to fit in my daily routines. From visiting me in my job to waiting for me to go home. I want to do that to you too. I want to see life in your perspective."</p>
</blockquote><p>Supposedly, with these kinds of long speeches, people will get overwhelmed and cry or tear up because of joy. But that wasn't the case for Suna.</p><p>He wanted to cry but not because of the happiness that he also felt from your words, but because of <em>guilt</em>. He was loss for words, he pulled you close to him and hugged you.</p><p>Masking the tear that dare slipped from his eye.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Are you free tonight?"</p>
  <p>"I am. Why?"</p>
  <p>"I'll show you what a part of my life looks like, Y/N." Suna kissed your forehead and dragged you towards the train station. "But first.."</p>
  <p>"Mhm?" You played with his hands while walking.</p>
  <p>"Can you say it again?"</p>
  <p>"Uhh," You wondered. "I am? Free tonight?"</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna laughed. That unique tune ringing in your ears. "No, not that! Baka."</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"<em>Call me Rintaro</em><em>u </em><em>again</em>."</p>
</blockquote><p>You blushed remembering earlier. But you're too straightforward and a bit prideful to show the embarrassment you felt.</p><p>"Okay," You huffed and squeezed his hand hard. Suna whimpered at the unexpected pain.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"<em>Rintaro</em><em>u</em>."</p>
</blockquote><p>—</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>THE MIYAS</em>
  </b>
</p><p>"Are you sure you're fine with this?" Suna was worried. He knew you were uncomfortable with crowded places.</p><p>"I have you. So I think I'm fine with that." You looked at him and smiled because that was the truth.</p><p>You hated the crowds because it was noisy. The loud chatters and fun conversations made you nostalgic. You longed to hear noises but not from those voices. It reminded you so much of your family and it pained you to not experience that sound by the time you get home.</p><p>But Suna filled that hole in your life. A quiet guy who made your heart chaotic. He brought music to your life again. You had someone to eat dinner with, someone to experience train rides, and someone to be noisy with.</p><p>Suna was someone to be wholesome with.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"I'm okay with it, Rintarou." You tugged his sleeves. "Let's go."</p>
</blockquote><p>As you both entered the club, the flashy neon lights danced around together with the people on the dance floor. Your heart thump synchronizing with the beats blasting from the massive speakers.</p><p>Meanwhile, the boy next to you was sweating. But not with the tight space around you, not with the lack of air, not with you holding his hands.</p><p>But because he was nervous.</p><p>
  <em>Something doesn't feel right.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. lonely</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Y/N meet Kita-san," Suna points to each person in his friend group. "Aran-san, Osamu and... Atsumu."</p><p>He said the last one with hesitation. Atsumu felt bad for what happened earlier, he realized he should have been more patient and understanding towards Suna.</p><p>That's why he kept his mouth shut in consideration of his best friend's sentiments when he told Atsumu about it. But that doesn't mean he will stay silent.</p><p>He cares for Suna the way a brother would. He cares for him like how he cares for his twin. It may be aggressive, not too showy but it's <em>sincere</em>.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"One last chance." Atsumu blurts out of nowhere. Everyone looked at him with questioning looks, including you. But Suna knew it was for him.</p>
  <p>"Dumbass." The other twin rolled his eyes. "It's One Last Time."</p>
</blockquote><p>True enough, the song by Ariana Grande was just coming to an end. Laughters burst out from the mini group inside the VIP area. Atsumu left for awhile.</p><p>You were having fun talking to Suna's friends. They were all quiet and composed unlike the Atsumu guy, but they are nonetheless still fun to converse with. Suna would tease you in front of them from time to time and they would laugh.</p><p>—</p><p>
  <em>[Play: This Side of Paradise | Coyote Theory]</em>
</p><p><b><em>Ask me why my heart's inside my throat </em></b>🎶</p><p>Just in time the song played, you and the others went out from the VIP area to observe the party outside. But those who were once dancing wildly in the middle of the dance floor left one by one as the mellow tune played. Only a few couples were left slow dancing.</p><p><b><em>I've never been in love, I've been alone </em></b>🎶</p><p>"Hey!" Atsumu returned with drinks in hand. The boys rejoiced and you smiled at their enthusiasm.</p><p>You turned to Suna, only to see he was already staring at you. His intimidating eyes bore right through your soul. You couldn't take your eyes off of him too, because how could you when you were starting to melt in his presence, in his whole being.</p><p>You're becoming attached.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Finally, you're not alone.</p>
</blockquote><p><b><em>Feel like I've been living life asleep </em></b>🎶</p><p>Atsumu nudged Suna indicating to ask you to dance. Suna broke his eye contact with you and glared at his friend. A faint tint of pink forming on his cheeks.</p><p>He held out his hand.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"May I have this dance?"</p>
</blockquote><p><b><em>Love so strong it makes me feel so weak</em></b>🎶</p><p>Suna leads you to the dance floor. Others watching may think this is nothing, just two normal couples dancing to a love song. But in your perspective, it felt like you're in a movie. Living the fantasies of a girl hopelessly in love.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em>When did I get so cringy? </em>You giggled to yourself.</p>
</blockquote><p><b><em>Are you lonely? (Are you lonely?) </em></b>🎶</p><p>Suna took your hand and placed it on his shoulders. He held your waist while his other hand searched for yours. When he caught it, he smiled. Genuinely. His fingers softly interlaced with yours, sending butterflies all over you.</p><p><b><em>Our fingers dancing when they meet </em></b>🎶</p><p>Suddenly, people were in awe with the two quiet couple who were screaming their love on the dance floor as they sway slowly to the music.</p><p><b><em>You seem so lonely </em></b>🎶</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"<em>Are you lonely</em>?"</p>
</blockquote><p>You laughed when Suna imitated the second voice of the song. He also chuckled because he made you laugh. You rested your head on his chest, not minding the looks of others. This was too good to be wary of the surroundings.</p><p><b><em>I'll be the only dream you seek </em></b>🎶</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Staring at each other's eyes. Being lost in them.</p>
</blockquote><p><b><em>So if you're lonely, no need to show me, </em></b>🎶</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Inch by inch.</p>
</blockquote><p><b><em>If you're lonely.. </em></b>🎶</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Centimeters away.</p>
</blockquote><p><b><em>Come be lonely with me. </em></b>🎶</p><p>Soft lips pressed against yours. You allowed yourself to drown in this loneliness. The kind of loneliness with someone, not minding the others' stares. Just you and him. Hands intertwined, bodies in graceful sync, and lips locked in a kiss.</p><p>"Rintaro, you know what I just realized?" After breaking the kiss you laced your arms on his neck, and his hands snaked around your waist.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"That I took your first kiss?"</p>
  <p>"Oh shut up. Seriously."</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna laughed and asked, "What did you realize then?"</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"I realized that you find your own comfort in chaos, and I find mine in peace."</p>
  <p>"That's not true." His eyebrows furrowed while your fingers caressed his cheeks.</p>
  <p>"Is that so?" You teased him for being too serious. "I think it's tr-"</p>
  <p>
    <em>"I find mine in you."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>As happiness's best partner and bitter rival, destiny seemed to be playing with you and Suna. Just as he said those five words, he started to weaken and drop to his knees.</p><p>"Rintarou!"</p><p>You panicked and tried to help him get up as the four guys who were once watching you ran up and guided Suna. He was breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath. Atsumu was yelling all over the place. Everything happened so fast.</p><p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p>Confused. You were reaching out to Suna but the boys gently told you to sit and wait while they bring Suna outside to breathe. Aran and Osamu accompanied you while Atsumu and Kita went with Suna.</p><p>"Calm down Y/N." Aran tried to comfort you but he was worried too.</p><p>Tears just fell down your face.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>What the fuck is happening?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>You were sitting at the corner, covering your face and bawling your eyes out.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Should I just sit here and wait? What the fuck am I doing? Suna is suffering and I don't even have a single clue on why.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I can't leave him while he's like that.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I shouldn't leave him at all.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I won't leave him!</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Ever!</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>You stood up and ran towards the exit, Aran calling out to you. Osamu stopped him, he knows it's no use.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"What is going on here?"</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>You heard a voice and instinct told you to hide and just listen.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Fuck it Suna, I'm telling him!"</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Suna tried to stop Atsumu but only to end up coughing.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"<em>Kita</em>," Atsumu closed his eyes trying to hold back his tears. Kita's eyes widened, and Suna coughed at an attempt again to try and stop Atsumu.</p>
</blockquote><p>But it was too late. Even if Atsumu hasn't blurted it out Kita would know, and you would see.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Suna has stage three lung cancer."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p><b><em>Passion is crashing as we speak </em></b>🎶</p><p>Hands covered your mouth containing the sobs that are escaping. You stepped out and see droplets of blood around Suna.</p><p>He stared at you with his pale face, dimmed and widened yellow eyes, and hands sprawled across the floor. His body hovered above the droplets of blood he was coughing out so bad.</p><p><b><em>You seem so lonely </em></b>🎶</p><p>Because it seems like you were, <em>once again.</em></p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. don't leave</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Get me.. out of here."</p>
  <p>"Suna, you know that's not possible."</p>
  <p>"Y-you.. don't understand."</p>
  <p>"Suna this isn't the time-"</p>
  <p>"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND Y/N!"</p>
</blockquote><p>As soon as Suna snapped, he immediately regretted it. Catching his breath had become an exhausting task to do now, and most importantly he couldn't face the fact that he just screamed at you.</p><p>He breathed heavily. "You need... to l-leave."</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"I won't."</p>
</blockquote><p>"Please," Suna pleaded, his voice cracking. "You... you wouldn't get anything from stay.. staying with me at this point anyway.."</p><p>But he was hoping. Deep inside he was hoping you wouldn't leave that easily.</p><p>Hoping that you wouldn't leave his side even after what happened a couple of nights ago. He knows he needs you more than anything else.</p><p>Suna had already been admitted to the hospital right after that incident. You and his friends did not risk any chance for that to happen again. Although these past days of being trapped inside the hospital walls Suna was getting impatient. But with his condition, it's not possible to grant his demands of leaving.</p><p>That's why you were surprised at his sudden outburst. He wasn't supposed to have that much energy, but his desperation to leave these cramped walls made him do that. Your heart cracked at the thought but you still don't understand a thing.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"I just said I won't, Suna." You said with a firm tone. Not accepting any more arguments from him.</p>
</blockquote><p>Silence engulfed the both of you. You were sitting near the hospital bed where Suna was lying down. Observing the multiple tubes hanging around him and supporting him, tugged your chest and felt like your heart was being crumpled. The brown-haired boy lay there, his chest moving up and down in the most uncomfortable manner.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Suna."</p>
</blockquote><p>No response.</p><p>The scream earlier must have taken a lot of energy from him. He was just staring at you, his eyes even more tired than before.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Don't leave me.."</p>
</blockquote><p>That was all he managed in such a frail voice. Your eyes welled up with tears and you positioned yourself closer to him now. Your hands touched his hair, his soft brown hair.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"As I said, I won't."</p>
</blockquote><p>—</p><p>Suna is now asleep, his eyebrows furrowed and chest rising up and down. His mouth and nose were covered by an inhaler to support his breathing. Your hand found its way back to Suna's hair, stroking it with such care.</p><p>This man right here was your pillar. You just met him not too long ago. Heck, it's not even been months yet but you're already too attached to him. It's so cliche.</p><p>But what's even more stupid is finding out that Suna is sick in just a span of dating for just a month. Destiny was cruel like that. Taking away the longing you had all throughout these years, then just easily replacing that longing with pain far worse than before.</p><p>You don't even know what to feel, or what to think because you don't understand anything.<em> At all.</em></p><p>At this point, everything was just too sudden for you. Your head couldn't fathom everything that is happening, it's like you're just riding the wave of life. Unwillingly.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Rintarou," you whispered while tears rolled down your cheeks. You didn't care anymore. You just wanted to cry.</p>
  <p>"You are the best thing that ever stepped in my life. That bumping into you in the station was not a mere coincidence, I know now that was fate. I was lonely. Lonelier than I ever thought I was. I realized this that day you made me a playlist, and reality slapped me that I really had no one to talk to. Well, Bokuto was there but he'd done so much I don't want to bother him anymore." You chuckled quietly and held Suna's fragile hand.</p>
  <p>"I couldn't be happier when you persisted to wait for me every Tuesday in the station, when you gave me a flower every time we saw each other, and when you asked my name. Our Tuesday rendezvous not too long ago is still embedded in my mind because it's still too recent to forget. But now you're here."</p>
  <p>"I don't know Rin. I don't want to lose you. Not now, not ever. So please, be strong."</p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>But that's not possible.</em>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Your persistent soul should be able to break through this."</p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>That's not how this works.</em>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"I-I.. I just want to understand, Rintarou. I just want to understand why did this happen so fast."</p>
</blockquote><p>Tears just flowed out, not even bothering to be held back anymore. Your sobs echoed through the white room. But your eyes immediately shot back up when you felt a light squeeze on your hand.</p><p>"I'll tell you why.. why and y-you'll understand beca-" Suna whispered.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"'C<em>ause you're one of a kind.</em>"</p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. how it started</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Seventeen years ago, I had a family. My mom, dad, and sister.."</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>17 years ago</em>
  </b>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Onii-san! I want to eat ice cream." The younger sibling pouted.</em>
  </p>
  <p><em>"Yuki-chan, you know we don't have enough money to buy." Suna scolded her little sister and</em> <em>sighed when he saw she was about to cry. He dragged her and pushed through the crowd.</em></p>
  <p><em>"Oto-san, Yuki-chan wants to buy ice cream but I don't have enough money to buy her one..."</em> <em>Suna said in a concerned tone to his father.</em></p>
</blockquote><p><em>His father smiled at them. That warm smile contrasted with his cold-like stare, an illusion</em> <em>because of its thin eye shape and glowing yellow irises.</em></p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em>"Here," He gave Suna enough money to buy two ice creams. "Do you want me to go with you</em> <em>two?"</em></p>
</blockquote><p><em>Suna and his sister shook their heads. They were fond of exploring the outside all on their own.</em> <em>Even though Suna was only 10, he thinks of himself very highly. Really assuming he was matured.</em></p><p><em>His father laughed and ushered them to go and return right away as they were about to leave</em> <em>then. They both nodded. But as they turned around, Suna made a simple mistake by glancing</em> <em>back</em>.</p><p><em>A flicker of flame ignited the edge of the orange and white stick, producing an awful smell that</em> <em>made Suna scrunch up his nose. His father held onto that stick as if it has been there all this time.</em></p><p>
  <em>—</em>
</p><p><em>"Honey," Suna's mother filled a glass with water and rushed towards her husband. "Your</em> <em>condition is not getting better at all, we have to take you to the doctor."</em></p><p><em>His father nodded and sighed. Cupping his pockets, his face became frustrated afterward. "I'm</em> <em>out of cigarettes. I'm off to get one."</em></p><p><em>Broken glass scattered to the floor and produced a loud pitchy sound which caused Suna to jump up and check on his sister who</em> <em>was, fortunately, still asleep on the couch then. He sneaked to the kitchen and watched quietly.</em></p><p>
  <em>"Please. Stop smoking already."</em>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Smoking?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>"You know I can't, Honey."</em>
</p><p><em>"You can! You haven't even tried yet! Don't you really get it? Why you're getting weaker every time?!" Suna flinched at his mother's raised voice. "It's because of those damned cigarettes that</em> <em>you just can't let go of!"</em></p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Are those sticks really that bad?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>The screaming just intensified then. Night came, and the noise just subsided when it was time to sleep. Suna saw his dad sleeping on the couch alone.</em>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Does Oka-san not love Oto-san anymore?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>—</p><p><em>Everything went downhill starting that day. Suna's father was admitted to the hospital and was</em> <em>diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer.</em></p><p><em>His mother was right that those sticks were not good. That's why he swore to himself he'd never</em> <em>touch any of those as long as he gets to keep his dad alive.</em></p><p>
  <em>Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.</em>
</p><p><em>His father's condition just worsened despite all of the medications he was taking. Chemotherapy and medicines</em> <em>only prolonged his life but did not secure it.</em></p><p>
  <em>Until one day...</em>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Doctor," Suna's mother called out politely. "Is lung transplant possible?"</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>
  <em>The doctor was taken aback by the question but quickly composed himself.</em>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em>"That's a rare case and very risky. If I'm correct with this estimation then... How do I put this...</em> <em>Only 2 out of 10 have survived attempting lung transplants. This is because the regeneration of the</em> <em>cancer cells may still occur despite the new lungs," The doctor sighed, "plus the cost is way</em> <em>expensive."</em></p>
  <p>
    <em>"Are you telling me that we can't afford it?"</em>
  </p>
  <p><em>"I- No Suna-san. I apologize," Doctor bowed down apologetically. "What I meant was it'd be too</em> <em>risky to follow through. The cost wouldn't be worth it with a 20 percent chance of-"</em></p>
  <p>
    <em>"I'd like to push through with the lung transplant, Doctor."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p><em>The brown-haired child did not understand anything then. His eyes just scanned through</em> <em>the entire room, observing the white walls surrounding them that was slowly suffocating him.</em></p><p>
  <em>The doctor nodded. "Come then. You still need to be checked if your lung is compatible with your husband."</em>
</p><p>—</p><p><em>Days passed. Weeks. Then a month. The surgery came. It wasn't successful. Both of them did not</em> <em>survive at all. It was too late.</em></p><p><em>His mother's lungs were compatible with his father's. But it was then revealed that his mother</em> <em>also had a history of smoking which tells that her lungs weren't that healthy enough to keep up with the transplant despite the compatibility. And she</em> <em>couldn't survive with only what's left then.</em></p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>'Maybe Oka-san really loved Oto-san...</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>But now we're all left alone.'</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p><em>Tears blurred his vision. His heart cracked in coldness as he held</em> <em>his sister. The stillness inside the hospital room made his ears hurt.</em></p><p><em>Once he got out, he took a stick, tried to light it up, and huffed it. Huffing what would be left of</em> <em>his mother and father's memory.</em></p><p>
  <em>Huffing until he gets to be with them.</em>
</p><p>—</p><p>"After that me and my sister were raised by the Miya family," Suna explained in between breaths. You already told him to stop but he persisted. Leaving you no choice but to listen instead of arguing with him.</p><p>"But she left and became an exchange student in Canada," Suna concluded.</p><p>You comforted him. Trying your best not to breakdown again. Both of you were so similar yet so different. You played with his fingertips delicately.</p><p>"I'm glad I met you... y/n."<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/></p><p>"Then I'm glad you called me pretentious, Rintarou."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. gamble</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Months have passed. The twins, Kita and Aran visited daily and took turns it staying in. You already took a leave from work. Thanks to Bokuto's help.</p><p>Today, all of you were standing there. Making your presence known to Suna, just to make sure he does not feel alone. The only fortunate news was that his condition remained stable and did not develop into stage 4.</p><p>The medication may be helping him, but at this rate it could also be a miracle. A miracle that a doctor was standing in front of all of you, proposing an option that seemed impossible to go with.</p><p>"His medications seem to be aiding his stable condition for now. But it wouldn't be long until the cancer cells would be resistant to it." The doctor straightforwardly said. "I'm going to be blunt and say that this is an opportunity to find a donor and proceed with a lung transplant."</p><p>Everyone was wide-eyed inside the room except Suna who was sleeping. The doctor had to make sure he was asleep before breaking this news to them.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"But Doctor, isn't this impossible?" Atsumu asked. "The last time this happened, he lost both his mom, the donor, and his dad, the patient."</p>
  <p>"I see." The Doctor pondered. "If I am to guess, that would be several years back then, right?"</p>
</blockquote><p>Atsumu nodded. "17 years."</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"It's been a long time then," The doctor smiled sympathetically. "I don't want to sound persistent but technology and science have definitely evolved throughout the years. The survival rate is 6 out of 10 now. Let's say Suna found a donor and the transplant was successful, he will get to live for at least 10 to 20 years at most with that lungs. But in his condition now, transplant aside, he would only get a few months left."</p>
</blockquote><p>The doctor bowed and left the room after that. His nurse trailing behind him.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"I- I'll be back," You followed behind the doctor. "I have to ask about the medications. We're running out of it."</p>
</blockquote><p>They all nodded and you proceeded outside.</p><p>—</p><p>"Where's... Y/N?" Suna woke up a few minutes after you left.</p><p>"She went to take care of your medications," Aran answered.</p><p>Suna nodded and not long after, you arrived back. He smiled slightly and you blinked at him.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>He'll be fine.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>—</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>A few days later...</em>
  </b>
</p><p>"We found a compatible donor for Suna but they wished to keep their identity unknown," The doctor announced. "It's up to you to decide what will be your next course of action."</p><p>The doctor left afterward and the boys did not know what would be the best. They told Suna about it and the boy was hesitant, but he couldn't find the strength to argue at all. You arrived a few moments later with lunch in hand for everyone.</p><p>They filled you in and you thought about it. You squeezed Suna's hand lightly.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Are you fine with it?"</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna was hesitant and was about to say no. But he stared at your eyes filled with that longing look and glimmer of hope. He knew deep inside that he would gamble everything just to see that glimmer for the rest of his life.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>If it means a 60 percent chance of living to be with you.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>He squeezed back lightly, "...yes"</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. goodbye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everything was being settled. Time flew in a breeze. Everyone visited Suna every day. Kita, Aran, Osamu, Atsumu, his former classmates, and even Bokuto and Akaashi stopped by a few times.</p><p>Tomorrow, Suna will be able to proceed with the transplant. That's why the doctors and nurses were busy. Even Suna's sister facetimed him crying, and Suna was just glaring at her on the screen signaling that he's going to be okay.</p><p>The day passed by quickly. Now everyone was bidding their farewell, promising Suna to return by tomorrow early in the morning.</p><p>Crickets sound from outside, the faint volume from the television, and the beeping of Suna's heart monitor were the only sounds filling the hospital room.</p><p>You were sitting next to Suna, just watching him rest after a long day. The amount of wishes you'd send to the above just to see those eyes flutter open every day was infinite.</p><p>"Rintaro," you whispered softly. "I have been meaning to say this – and I probably won't be able to say it for infinite times – so I won't beat around the bush anymore." You chuckled to yourself.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"I love you."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>That was the only line Suna heard and it automatically made him smile. His eyes welled up with tears but they remained closed because goddamn he longed to hear those words from you.</p><p>He currently doesn't have the strength to speak because his lung condition is taking a toll on it. Instead, he intertwined his hand with yours delicately.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Rintaro if you don't mind, can I borrow your phone?"</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna was surprised by the sudden request. Normally, he wouldn't agree to that but he was too soft and vulnerable at the moment that he managed a weak nod for approval.</p><p>You beamed at him and borrowed his phone, typing the passcode which was the day of the week he met you.</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>TUESDAY</em>
  </b>
</p><p>He never let you peek on his phone before but as you scrolled up his photos, it was full of candid and non-candid pictures of you and of course, the twins' epic faces. You were surprised because all this time you thought he only took pictures of you during the times he would ask you to smile.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Y/N smile."</em>
  </p>
  <p><em>Click</em>.</p>
  <p>
    <em>"What?"</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Just smile."</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>You looked at him weirdly, but when you saw him stare at his phone screen you suddenly blushed and smiled lightly because he looked so serious and warm at the same time. If that was possible.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>"Perfect." He smiled at you and winked.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>In the end, you did what you were attempting to do in the first place: airdrop the photos of you two together and the mini vlogs Suna documented during your dates to your personal phone.</p><p>—</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>11:03 PM</em>
  </b>
</p><p>Someone knocked at the door and you went and open it.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Hey," Aran greeted you. "Are you ready?"</p>
  <p>You nodded your head. "Actually, can you give me a few more moments?"</p>
</blockquote><p>He just nodded and waited outside as you walk up towards Suna again.</p><p>For the last time, you stared at his face, etching every detail in your mind. From his flawless skin, adorable little lashes, annoyingly perfect nose, and soft thin lips. Even the bags under his eyes made you fall deeper. Because for you, those will be battle scars from the battle he will surely win tomorrow.</p><p>You cried.</p><p>Right then and there, you just did.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>You kissed his hand gently. <em>One for how much you'll miss him.</em></p>
  <p>His forehead. <em>Another for how much you love him.</em></p>
  <p>The top of his head, stroking his hair lovingly. <em>Lastly, for goodbye.</em></p>
</blockquote><p>"I love you Rintaro," you sobbed. "Goodbye."</p><p>You walked out. Every step feels like your heart is being crushed twenty times worse than before, but you already made up your mind. This is it.</p><p>Because the only thing you could give a person who gave your life its meaning back is also a life for him to fulfill.</p><p>Aran comforted you. He knew about your plan because he overheard, but he kept his mouth shut as you pleaded him to.</p><p>But before you could totally leave the room...</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"I love you Y/N."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>It was a mumble, faint but enough to be heard amidst the quiet sobs and silence inside the room. Suna was dreaming and talking in his sleep, he did not directly say these words to you but you know it means so much coming from him.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"I love you."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>But these three words were all you needed. All you longed for, but god how much it hurts right now.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"I'm sorry, Rintaro."</p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As you arrived outside the hospital, Bokuto and Akaashi greeted you with puffy eyes and crimson noses. You managed to smile weakly at them but they tackled you into a hug. Their warmth making you cry. Again.</p><p>They took you home and it was already decided beforehand that they would stay over for the first and last time.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Tomorrow will be the surgery huh?" Bokuto broke the silence when the three of you arrived home.</p>
  <p>"I guess," you answered while opening your laptop. "But you know..."</p>
</blockquote><p>You trailed off, not knowing if it will be insensitive of you to say this when they are already grieving. Sighing, you continued anyway. Whatever happens, it has been decided by fate already.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"I don't regret this decision at all," you stated. "I have been living alone most of my life, and I've been thankful for you and Akaashi for keeping me company. I was content. I didn't really feel lonely when I'm with you guys. But when I met Suna, I started to feel different when I don't see him at all even in just a week... Until I longed to see him every day."</p>
</blockquote><p>They just listened. You never talked this much before so they just savored these moments, even Bokuto who's loud-mouthed kept quiet the whole time.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"I guess he filled in the missing holes in my life that I didn't think were needed to be filled." You chuckled. "That's why I couldn't bear the thought of losing him, it would never be the same. He's become a part of me that would be hard to shake off even after years."</p>
  <p>"But y/n-san, don't you think he feels that way for you too?" Akaashi asked. He's still hoping you'd change your mind about all this.</p>
  <p>"I- I guess he probably does. But I know he'll get through this." You said, remembering all those times he shared his mini and grand dreams with you. "He has dreams that I hope for him to fulfill."</p>
</blockquote><p>—</p><p>
  <em>"I want to be a professional photographer someday." Suna's eyes glimmered like a 5-year-old boy with dreams, except he isn't a 5-year-old.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mhm. Why is that?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I like capturing moments. Especially candid ones."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was so passionate about it. It was a simple wholesome dream but it meant a lot to him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I also want to have my own company for it someday."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'll make sure you reach them."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But you should witness it."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You laughed and looked at him with his dead-pan gaze that's facing you already. "Of course."</em>
</p><p>—</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>1:00 AM</em>
  </b>
</p><p>You closed your laptop after editing something for the last time. Akaashi and Bokuto were watching a movie in the living room, waiting for you to watch one with them too before you all go to bed. But before joining them, you compiled all the letters you wrote for Akaashi, Bokuto, and Suna.</p><p>You tucked them inside Akaashi's bag and went out joining them. The two were side by side, discretely holding hands but you noticed it anyway. You sat on the couch next to the sofa they were sitting on and they let you chose a movie to watch.</p><p>While the bright light from the television illuminated the whole living room, and the sounds from the movie played throughout, you weren't paying attention to it at all. Your mind wandered to Suna. If how is he doing, and how much you wanted to see him still.</p><p>It was a depressing thought you never wanted to think of again. The two blooming lovebirds were already asleep on the sofa. Bokuto was laying down and Akaashi was on top of him.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>So much for being discrete.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>You put a layer of blanket on top of them and went to your own room to doze off.</p><p>—</p><p>At around six in the morning, you went to the hospital and visited Suna's room for the last time. Afterward, you proceeded to approach the doctor in charge of your surgery as a donor for Suna's lung transplant.</p><p>As you were laying there, your life on the line, you thought of the last words you uttered to the person you loved if they were enough to make up for a lifetime.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"You are my home and will always be...</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>So please take good care of yourself for me."</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>And everything went black.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. stages</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>Stage 1: In Denial</em>
  </b>
</p><p>Suna woke up the next evening. His surgery was a success. Truly enough the Doctor spoke facts when he said that the success rate was more than the failure rate. First and foremost he thought of when he regained consciousness was the girl he loves.</p><p>It was a fact that he was happy with the thought of being able to live to see y/n again.</p><p>"Where's y/n?" He sounded so excited despite his weak voice. He scanned around the room but the person he anticipated to see wasn't there, not even her silhouette.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Did you know who donated the lungs?" Kita asked genuinely.</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna was confused at first. It couldn't be. He then laughed.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Of course, it can't be.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>"I know that joke."</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Uh- What joke?" Kita was confused and looked at the others which were also wide-eyed and terrified of how to break the news to Suna. Kita had already made it seem like a joke, and that even made this situation harder.</p>
  <p>"C'mon, Kita-san. I know that joke when," he paused to take a breath. "When you say 'did you know who donated bla bla' and then I will cry- like hahaha why would I? Then you will say it's a joke, then y/n would just walk-"</p>
</blockquote><p>The painful expressions from the people surrounding him and the ever-so-confused Kita, made Suna's heart sank.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>It can't be.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>"This is not a time for jokes." Suna laughed nervously.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"As much as we wish it is, but it is not Suna."</p>
</blockquote><p>Nothing. He said nothing. He just clenched his jaw, wide-eyed staring at the ceiling.</p><p>"I refuse to believe that. She'll come in here any minute now- haha. I know she will."</p><p>Silence.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>I haven't even told her I love her yet. But I know she'll arrive any minute now.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>—</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <b>
      <em>Stage 2: Rage</em>
    </b>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Weeks passed by and still, no y/n ever stepped by. No '<em>hi rintarou</em>' or '<em>shut up rintarou</em>' were uttered at all. Suna tried to keep his spirits up, but he knows he's just denying what's already happened.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Why?"</p>
</blockquote><p>Osamu looked at him. Not really knowing what to say, he kept his mouth shut. The last thing Suna would want is slapping the harsh truth in front of him.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"This is bullshit."</p>
  <p>"What's the purpose of me living when she's gone anyway?"</p>
  <p>"The fuck! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE THEN!"</p>
</blockquote><p>That's when Osamu had it and quickly went to Suna who was desperately tearing off the tubes that were supporting him. His tears just flowed out full of rage. His screams echoed through the hallways disturbing the neighboring rooms. Osamu alerted the nurses without leaving Suna's side.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"GODDAMN, WHY DID I EVEN LIVE?!"</p>
  <p>"Keep your mouth shut, Suna."</p>
  <p>"SHE- WHY?! SO THAT I COULD SUFFER? DOES SHE REALLY HATE ME THAT MU-"</p>
</blockquote><p>Before Suna could even finish that sentence, Osamu had already punched him in the face making him silent.</p><p>"The fuck you know about her reasons anyway?" Osamu threatened him. "Utter another bullshit and I'll be the one ripping that lung out of your chest."</p><p>The nurses arrived and injected Suna with a drug to make him sleep. He was struggling the whole time but with 5 nurses and 1 Osamu, he didn't stand a chance.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"If you could also patch up his face, thanks."</p>
</blockquote><p>In the span of six months, Suna had left the hospital, went home, rested. He was enraged and unforgiving and held a grudge against the person he loved the most. Every day was a living hell for him.</p><p>He just wanted to light up that cigarette until it leads up to his verge of death. Again.</p><p>But he just can't bring himself to do so.</p><p>—</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Stage 3: Despair</em>
  </b>
</p><p>November came, but y/n didn't. Suna was laying on his bed. Phone in hand, earphones plugged, and playlist played.</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>'Playlist for Pretentious and Sad Ppl by sxnarxntarou'</em>
  </b>
</p><p>Before he even noticed his pillowcase was already drenched with tears. He was exhausted of cursing and blaming you for leaving him just like that.</p><p>But the truth was he was in despair. He couldn't fathom that you were gone without even telling him that you would be. It's just like you said hello but never said goodbye even if you meant to leave in the end. The anger consumed him day by day until true sadness took over.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"It hurts so bad."</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna, the expressionless guy with the coldest stare, is crying, sobbing and clenching his chest because of the pain he felt that moment. Losing you for the rest of his life was a thought that never crossed his mind until it did happen.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"I miss you so fucking bad y/n. I miss you so fucking bad."</p>
</blockquote><p>And he just let himself drown with the misery he had been covering with anger for the past months. Engulfing himself with the pain of longing to have you in his arms.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"I'm so sorry."</p>
  <p>
    <em>For ever getting mad at you.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>—</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Stage 4: Acceptance</em>
  </b>
</p><p>Train engines were starting and producing a noise unpleasant to one's ear but Suna didn't hear it at all. He stood there at the same usual spot he'd always be when waiting for you. The same scenario as before, Suna with a flower in hand. Except there's no smile on his face and the bags under his eyes just got darker. The background was noisy but in Suna's mind, it was silent.</p><p>He was lonely.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Oya?"</p>
  <p>"Bokuto-san, that's not how you greet others."</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna blinked and directed his cold eyes towards the two who snapped him out of his thoughts. He was about to turn away when the raven-haired boy called him.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Suna, right?"</p>
</blockquote><p>He nodded and still walked off.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Y/n left something for you," Akaashi hoped that this would be the right time to tell him. Fortunately, Suna stopped in his tracks and Akaashi took this as a sign and walked over him dragging Bokuto along.</p>
</blockquote><p>He pulled out an envelope and a key, gave it to Suna with full intent. The fazed boy just stood there and accepted the treasures that had just been handed to him. He whispered his thanks.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"We'll be leaving now," Akaashi bid. "You can always contact us if you have trouble with the key... or if you just want to talk to someone."</p>
</blockquote><p>Suna just nodded again before Akaashi sighed and left with Bokuto.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>"Y/n loves you!" Bokuto shouted which made Suna grit his teeth, trying to suppress the tears from falling. Little did he know, the two were still grieving, if not, more than him.</p>
</blockquote><p>—</p><p>Droplets of rain remained on the grassy field and on the tombstones displayed around. As he inched closer to the tombstone with the familiar name engraved on it, his heart ached. It was like nails dug through it, leaving no mercy for him at all. It felt hard to breathe despite the consistent recovery of his lung condition. He breathed deeply and stopped when he reached the tomb of his beloved.</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>L/n Y/n</em>
  </b>
  <br/>
  <em>"She who shall live in our hearts forever."</em>
</p><p>It was time. It's been too long. The amount of time it took him to visit you was unforgivable. He broke down at the sight of your name, he just wanted to hug you. Even if it's for the last time again. His hand shivered while opening the envelope Akaashi handed to him a few days ago. And there it is, your intricate handwriting the first time he saw but hoped not to in this way.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>"Dearest Rintarou,</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I'm sorry.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I'm sorry if you had to go through that and relive the pain again but I never meant to do this the moment I stepped into your life. I just knew that time I wanted you to live. You have been through a lot and you have dreams. Actual dreams that deserve to be reached.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Do you get me?</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Perhaps I might be selfish and took the easy way out to just die and not feel the pain anymore. Because I just can't bear the thought of losing you for a lifetime. I lost everything, I don't want to lose you too. But you see, it's not all just that. You deserve to live. You have so much in you to achieve your passion. You are an angel who fell on earth and saved me. You're my salvation.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>You might be having regrets that you weren't able to say you love me, right? Don't worry, you did. Not consciously but you did and I heard it. But even if you didn't say it or I didn't hear it, the time you spent with me was enough to make me feel loved by you. Remember that, okay?</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I love you Rintarou. I always will.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Get back up and live your life. Breathe in new opportunities. Maybe even fall in love again as you may.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>I gave you that for your freedom, not to trap yourself in the depths of sorrows. I gave you that so I will always be a part of you.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Take care of yourself, Rintarou. That's my last wish.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>PS: I left something for you at my house. Assuming you received this and cared enough to finish the letter, open up my laptop when you get there. The password is: tuesdays</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Sincerely,</em>
    <br/>
    <em>l/n y/n</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>And that was all it took for Suna to run and travel as fast as he can towards your house. Turned on the laptop and watched the video on the screen. He still couldn't believe that he had told you he loved you and this made him feel better knowing you were reminded that he really did and still loves you.</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>"To my tuesday longings"</em>
  </b>
</p><p>After watching the video of your memories together, Suna felt okay. He wasn't happy nor satisfied. He wasn't sad nor angry. He was just okay. He just felt at peace to realize that you didn't leave without any farewell at all.</p><p>He was still not whole though and knows he would never be because he lost you forever. But for now, maybe you were right. Maybe he has to get up and live. Appreciate the chance he was given at life again.</p><p>He might move on from all this pain but never from the memories of you.</p><p>Just like he longed for Tuesdays to arrive before, he longed for you to be right by his side and guide him through the journey you paved for him.</p><p>"I love you too y/n."</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>And I always will.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote>
  </div></div>
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